Friday, February 11, 2011

Guys' Guide To Valentine's Day

Yeah, yeah, I know guys… you’ve got this. Or so you think. But, just in case you are “curious” as Valentine’s Day gift etiquette for the ladies, have no fear. This is a simple guide to help you. Let’s start with what not to do.

1. Do Not Buy A Present For Yourself Under The Guise Of A Present For Her - I call this the “Homer Simpson Complex.” There is a classic episode of The Simpsons where Homer buys Marge a bowling ball as a present. The problem was that Marge didn’t bowl and Homer was selfishly buying a present for himself and acting like it was for her. Although the episode was hilarious, the real life situation of it is… not so much. I know of a husband who bought the wife a present of a DVD of the show Two and a Half Men. The husband was a fan of the show but he bought it under the guise of a present for the wife but it was really for him (and Charlie Sheen’s coke habit.) Basically, this is a cad move. It’s a short term reward for the guy but ultimately he’s messing with his marital sex life. This is both foolish and detrimental to any happy ending.

2. Do Not Buy A Sexist Present - I have to admit, I would dig it but I think I’m an exception. I get giddy about steam mops, irons, ironing boards, etc. But, as a general rule, do not buy something for her to clean with. Unless, you are offering to clean forevermore. That changes the whole ballgame.

3. Do Not Buy A Stuffed Animal - Seriously? A stuffed animal? Just give me cash at this point because clearly the guy has given up on trying. If I wanted a stuffed animal, there are plenty of them at garage sales. Stuffed animals that reek of forsaken love from men who have given them to their beloveds. Trust me, just don’t do it.

So, that leaves us here. What do you give your goddess divine? I think these gifts are fail proof.

1. Chocolate - I know what you are thinking… this is generic, not original, etc. Who cares?!?! The old saying goes, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Chocolate is this. Chocolate is to women what bacon is to men. It is our soul song, it is our release, it is our love. By the way, if your beloved is of the alcoholic nature, you might want to check out Godiva’s new chocolate infused vodka. I received an email from Godiva and am giddy to try it.

2. Something Sexy - Yes. Victoria’s Secret (because they are out for my destruction) is offering *free* Godiva chocolate with a $75 purchase. They just whacked two birds with one delicious chocolate-y stone. So get her something soft, silky, and sexy. She’ll love it.

3. Offer To Do Something - Whether it’s watching the kids for the night so she can go out or cleaning or a foot massage. This means more to a woman than any stuffed animal, or chocolate, or lingerie. If you are giving your time for her and her needs, it sends her that la-la-la message of love.

4. Write Her A Love Note - Write what you love about her or reminisce about how the two of you met. My Dad, who has been married for 40 years, does this all the time with my Mom. He doesn’t like to spend money but he is really into sentimental things. My Mom digs it and they have four children so I know he’s scored at least four times with her. Chicks are suckers for love, so it means more to them to have you express it than to just spend money. However a love note combined *with* a gift doesn’t hurt. ;)

Hope that helps and Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Cross Posted at Pundit League.


The_Kid said...

Thanks for the advice. Check out Ethyl M Chocolates


conservativeBC said...

ninnuh this is almost a must read - I have been guilty of some of the same thing - I love it - I am going to cross post it for you on CBC

The Watcher said...

Makes me glad I'm single. lol

ninnuh said...

@The Kid - Those chocolates look excellent. That's what I'm talkin' about. You can't go wrong.

@ConservativeBC - Thanks. :)

@The Watcher - Hahaha. Well, with relationships you take the good with the bad and holidays designed for "romance" are part of the bad.